What’s so special about being special?
None. You’re not, and so am I.
As a child, we believed the world we live in revolved around us. How objects and people exist only to give us satisfaction because we’re born special or at least we’re meant to be. For some of us, this egotistical belief persists into adulthood. But what is so special about being special? I guess thinking we’re extraordinary, an exception to the rule, and worthy of special treatment doesn’t sound too bad, right?
Wrong. I hate to be the one to break it to you but the reality is none of us are special and that’s OK. It wouldn’t be too hard to convince you how destructive this thinking can be.
Thinking you’re constantly being judged
This thinking has always been one of the things I’ve struggled with growing up. I bet 99% you’d say the same. Of course, I’d have to mention the most common reason: high school — where we began to care too much about how we’re perceived. The general society thinking they always have a say didn’t help either. But besides that, for me, it’s probably because I took various lessons in music, sports at an early age. And such activities entail someone always forming an opinion about you. While those judgments are constructive, it affects you the same. Whatever the case, it heightens your self-consciousness, leads you to believe people are always watching your every move.
This is a worthiness issue. But the root of this insecurity of not being good enough is most of the time just a lie. We like to make shit up and torture ourselves and for what? Validation from people we barely know? Think about that. The thing is the only person who can know the absolute truth about you is you. And in the end, the opinion that really matters is yours and those who know the truth about you. We’ll always care about what others think, sure. But we shouldn’t let that be our reality. Plus, people don’t care as much as you think they do. They’re also too busy worrying about themselves.
Feeling entitled to things you aren’t
I’ve talked a little about this in another piece, stating how we tend to put ourselves on a pedestal. We either think we’re better or worse than everyone else causing us to build this sense of entitlement. For instance, you were a straight-A student or well-behaved than most which gave you an advantage over others with only little effort made. Leading you to think you deserve privileges or recognition you didn’t earn since you’re so special. Or you grew up in an emotionally abusive environment, experiencing cruel and diminishing treatment regardless of whether you did something wrong or not. And this caused you to believe either you deserve all forms of mistreatment including unreasonable ones or you require particular care since you’re especially hurt than others.
Soon enough, you realize none of these is true. As I’ve said from the same piece, “Just because you’re a good person, doesn’t mean you’re guaranteed all the good things in return. Just because you’ve suffered enough, doesn’t mean you’re granted exemption from more pain.” (Did I just quote myself? Yes. What are you gonna do about it?)
It all comes down to this: The world doesn’t owe us anything. Life doesn’t always give us what we ask for. But it does give us what we need to develop what we ask for. Sometimes, when life throws us a curveball or otherwise, it’s not because we “deserve” it. It just does. Let that sink in.
Taking everything too personally
About three years ago, I’d be the one needing to hear this advice. When I think about those times how I would interpret everything that happens in a personal way, I just have this urge to scream at my past self, “Stop being a drama queen!” But rather, I’ve learned to just forgive myself.
Back then, it was as if I was purposely making myself unhappy, holding on to my misery, and wearing it like a badge of honor. As dramatic as thinking I deserved shitty groupmates because I’m a pushover or believing I’m meant to be alone because I’m too difficult and reserved. Generally, obsessing over the thought that maybe the world’s telling me I’m undeserving or not allowed to be happy. Somehow, for whatever reason, this thought was easier to accept. Yes, it’s as dramatic as it sounds.
But I now know that people can’t make you feel anything. Whatever they do — what it means is entirely up to us. That ability to choose what to focus on — that will always be ours. I didn’t understand it then because thinking the whole world was against me deemed I was sort of a special case. I victimized myself when I really didn’t need to.
So just remind yourself that it’s not always about you. If you experienced the same, maybe those groupmates just didn’t care enough about the project. Maybe that guy/gal just wasn’t dauntless enough to get you. Don’t make everything about you. As Anthony Yeung said, “It’s far easier to be happy in life when you’re not actively engaged in making yourself unhappy.”
If you struggle with the same issue and still don’t understand, well, you can’t understand what you don’t want to. But take this away: Being special ain’t really that special. When we learn that we’re just a tiny speck of dust on a cosmic scale of the universe, we realize that most things have little to do with us. Imagine a life in which you believed you were enough and didn’t need to prove anything to anyone again ever. Now, act accordingly.
